My Life To Live

You don't help yourself,

That's what they will say,

If I turned up aching,

Injured, for the day,

But look at the bigger picture,

The depression in my eyes,

Running helps free me,

From this pain I have inside,

So tell me again,

How my aching muscles are bad,

That I still don't help myself,

I should just grow old and fat,

But what would they know,

About what really causes me pain?

Every day I help myself,

Through sun, snow and rain,

So look at the bigger picture,

Of why I do what I do,

And start to think about,

These words that come from you,

For they could be damaging,

Hazardous to my health,

If I stopped running,

Would I get lost in myself?

But maybe the injuries,

That I have picked up,

Don't come from running,

But things being so tough,

Up to 10 hours a day,

On a cold concrete floor,

My joints start aching,

As the load gets more and more,

The consistent pressure,

The high tempo of the day,

The heavy lifting,

And other things I can't say,

So maybe I don't help myself,

With what I do every day,

But I don't think it's running,

That makes me that way,

So maybe instead of negativity,

Your support you could give,

While I run my own battles,

As it is my life to live. 

The redeemer

At the foot of the man who resembles a god, 

kneel before him and accept his big hug. 

For the love of a man who is made out of stone, 

will help cleanse your soul not clean out your clothes. 

To accept a religion is all that he asks, but I don't want to get wrapped up too much in that, 

for a statue to mean all so much to the world, 

you should love who you want wether boy or girl. 

Now there's a good girl who has stolen my heart 

and she's all I can think off while viewing this rock, 

for she is my love, my heart, my Jedi, 

I'll love her forever until the end, of time. 

A Lovers Path

I awoke one night, in a sleepy haze I thought I saw her stood at the end of my bed. It couldn't be her, she was 6000 miles away. A figment of my imagination, surely? But there she was, in all her glory, smiling at me with that desire I've always longed for. She was wearing a brown robe, she joked that she was a Jedi and I laughed. I only laughed because I knew this wasn't real. She couldn't be there. This beautiful woman, the true love of my life. This Jedi, playing her mind tricks on me! 

As she decided to sit on the end of the bed, I realised that the laws of physics were in play. I had to be asleep? Only in a dream would I have her here, with me, wanting me how I want her. I sat upright and held out my hand. As she took my hand I gasped as everything felt so real. My heart raced, as it does every time I hear her name. With her hand in mine she pulled me out of bed and stood there eying me up and down, staring at my naked body, longing and lust in her eyes. 

As her robe dropped to the floor I became aware that it was the only thing covering her naked body. I pulled her body into mine and squeezed her tight, feeling the warmth and security of our bodies together. I laid her down on the bed, longing for this ghost in my head, how could this happen now? When all I ever wanted was this. I love her. I always have and I always will. But I will not make love to her memory. For that is to besmirch her delicate nature. But what if it's not a dream?

This Jedi, this love, this entire life that I could only ever dream of. What if it didn't work and all that was left was this dream? Has this already happened and I'm torturing myself as I so often do? Or is this exactly what I want and I have to fight to make it happen? Either way, what am I going to do with this dream?!? 

I wake up abruptly and look from side to side. She is still there. In my bed. Asleep. My stomach flutters with the thought of the rest of our lives. A million mph and I need to slow down, let us back things up a bit! I long for this happiness, for the fairytale happy ending but the truth is, happiness is pretty boring, hard to take, in a word, a pain in the neck! Yet I couldn't think of anything I want more in this world. With her. 

Could she ever want the same as me? The desire in her eyes suggested that the feelings between us were mutual. So why do I feel so doubtful? Slow down! I quietly told myself, you're getting ahead of yourself again! Take this path nice and slow yet live like there's no tomorrow. You both want the same things right now so concentrate on that instead of your fantasy future. Travel the world. Explore the pyramids and the northern lights. Wine and dine her in Paris then eat spaghetti in Italy. I stop myself there as I can feel my heart start to race, every situation I think of leads to the same place. With her by my side, dressed in white, two rings to bind our lives together. 

Her body gleams in the morning light, her deep brown eyes are still shut tight, as her body rests in all it's glory, I wonder still if she's real, the point of this story! With her laying there in my bed, calm and resting soundly. I walk downstairs to gather my thoughts and the bread. I look outside and notice it's cloudy. We could go for a walk in the park. Swim in the lake or just sit and talk. As I mentally make notes of what to do with our day my Jedi walks down the stairs and holds me tight. 

All of a sudden everything becomes clear, I see it all. This ghost that holds me so close and so tight is my future and my past. To get to where I want to be I have to live, without her as my love. I shall grow and love and never forget for she is still all I want. Our paths will meet again and with all my heart I will hope they lead the same way for the rest of our lives. Until that moment, our lives are for living and that's exactly what we will do!

Longing for the one

In the deepest depth of my heart,

A hole within my chest,

My life feels like it falls apart,

As I slowly die this death. 

Your name echoes with every beat,

Waiting for the next time that we meet,

My arms around your waist I need,

As I wait for the days to pass with speed.

Our souls are linked there is no doubt,

I would run to you if I had to until my muscles gave out,

For I love you, this will always be,

As you will always be, my olive tree.

The Ghost of Poe

If one day while I'm still of this earth,

We could raise the dead, a modern rebirth,

There is something you should know,

I would raise the ghost of Edgar Allen Poe. 

I wouldn't sit there and ask about his greatest work,

I would be there smiling, acting like a cheerful jerk,

For what if he wrote a love story like air,

Feeling good, fresh, no death or despair. 

Could this  be his greatest work to date?

But I wouldn't stop there, just you wait!

I would raise the ghost of Mozart too,

A true anarchist, through and through,

Give him a guitar and amp to clunk,

What are the odds his music would come out punk?!?

Forget Sid Vicious, there's nothing to compare!

Mozart's the anarchist, the rebel, this I declare.

So what about someone unfamous, like me,

Would anyone raise my ghost, just to see?

What could I do in a thousand years time?

Maybe just to see, I think it's time I die!

Hybrid Rider (bike before date)

A bike life started at the age of 5,

Tried to pull a wheelie, I don't know why!

Full speed ahead from the top of my street,

Pulled both brakes, didn't land on my feet!

Face first into the ground but what happened next,

In the hospital, child abuse is what they suspect,

I tell them my story of my two wheel machine,

Laughter all around, all consciences are clean,

By age 13 I got my first bmx, grey haro bike,

I never knew how much this would change my life!

Dirt jumping, street riding, parks and flatland too,

Anything I could think on this beast is what I tried to do,

Stair sets, doubles, half pipes and spines,

I'll go for all of them, this life is mine!

My mind used my body as a wager,

So I smiled in the eyes of danger,

Until I hit my bike before date,

Age 22, barspins were such a mistake!

One rolled ankle, cast on for weeks,

Tried riding but it would always tweak,

My bike before date was age 23,

This is it, biking's over for me,

I mope and I sorrow, loss of fun,

So that's when I decided to run,

Competing is fun you get such a buzz,

But training is dull, not as fun because,

There are no crowds, no intense sessions,

No huge speeds or life long lessons,

Until I find my bike before date was a lie,

I borrow a hybrid bike from some guy,

The wheels are too big, the bars are too wide,

What is this gear thing? But boy did it fly!

So lets move forward onto a road bike,

This is when I knew I hadn't hit my bike before life!

Viking Echelon top end entry level,

That should do me, where's the pedals?!?

A few more tweaks here and there,

Cleats, pedals, water bottle and spares,

Now I don't think like any road biker does,

My bmx background makes me quite tough,

I see an object within my path,

Heading towards it at speed, swerve or crash?

Neither you see as I'm a hybrid rider,

I bunny hop over it and try to get higher,

Adrenaline pumping through my veins again,

Bike before age? HA! It'll take more than pain!

For I am a hybrid, mixture of riders,

Bmxer for life, road rider for surviver. 

Dreaming of an Angel

I had a dream the other night,

That I was flying with an angel,

She took me by my hand,

And flew around Nottingham without a need to land,

We lay between the stars and the ground,

Looking down at the river Trent,

Watching the stars shimmer in the water,

Until we started our descent,

To dance on the stars, on the river top,

With the angel in my dreams,

This feels strangely like reality,

But reality is never what it seems,

How I wish this was real,

My beautiful angel,

This girl of my dreams.

Psycho Holiday

Sat in the airport,

There's nothing to do,

The time crawls by,

Oh what should I do?

I found the bar,

Not enough money to drink,

A few pints though,

And I might start to think.

As the day grows longer,

Yet it's all worth while,

For I'll finally see your face,

The psycho with the amazing smile.

Valentine

You walk in beauty,

Like the night,

Carrying the stars,

Within your eyes. 

So let us have,

This moment so true,

We walk together,

As snow falls from the skies. 

May I take,

Your hand in mine?

And kiss you softly,

Beneath these stars that shine. 

Warm Milk and Honey

Warm milk and honey,

Now isn't it funny,

How it takes all your problems away.

Not really my issues,

But I do really miss you,

So I worry about your problems instead.

Some day we will sway,

And dance, sing and play,

And not have a problem in the world.

When we become sane,

Everything becomes plain,

In the words of Jaco "who loves ya babe?"

As Thrones Fall

I love you, my dear,

Until the end of time,

I swear this to the gods,

The old, the new and mine.

You are my life beyond the wall,

My mistress waiting for kingdoms to fall,

So we can be together, you and I,

Just look up to the night sky. 

And follow where the crow will soar,

Beyond the north, beyond the wall,

For winter is coming and I need to keep you safe,

Now take my hand and we'll leave this place.

I will protect you my one true love,

To take the fight and grab it by the scruff,

Of the neck to save my loves life,

Please do me the honour of becoming my wife?

The Secret Love

Oh how you have touched me so,
No physical contact needed though,
Your words and soul clench my heart,
Cupid can strike even miles apart.

You pull my strings without trying,
If I ever said I don't love you I would be lying,
But your life leads in every direction,
Except for mine, I'm hoping for a correction.

There's so much to offer,
So much to share,
Everything I've ever had,
You're everything I will ever care.

This secret love I have for thee,
Growing inside me like an olive tree,
Will show one day that my love is true,
Forever over my heart like a tattoo.

The End Of Longing

As the winter grows old,
And the nights grow longer,
I can feel our love,
Growing stronger and stronger,
Every day and every night,
My heart burns with your delight,
Longing and waiting, it will all be worth,
To finally lift us of this curse,
This ache and pain we've had for so long,
Will disappear for longer than the sun has shone,
For I love you and you love me,
Together at last for the world to see,
Forever in my arms,
This I would love,
From me to you,
My beautiful Dove.

The Music of Raknal Shasa

As I sit here,
Waiting,
Forever and more,
Watching my latest score,
The music,
The music flowing
Forever growing,
Growing forever and more.

The brass, the clarinets,
What is next?
Nothing to expect,
Except my latest score,
Forever and more.

The bass line rolling,
Scrolling,
Scrolling through my mind,
Where is my 4/4 time?
Musically blind
Forever and more.

This door,
My musical wall,
Flowing,
Forever growing,
Forever and more.

Four drums beating,
Never leaving,
Pounding,
Never leaving my mind,
My mind,
Forever hearing,
Hearing the latest score,
Forever and more.

My viola's bowing,
Never slowing,
Holding together my score,
My score,
Flowing,
Forever and more.

This melody,
Burning,
Never learning,
Never learning that I can see,
Beyond this pond,
Belongs,
My river song before,
Forever and more.

Violins, Cello's
Now it starts to mellow,
Now the romance starts,
My hearts,
Both pounding,
Waiting for the harp,
My harp, my harpsichord,
Forever and more.

Can this be?
Don't tell me,
This is the end of life,
Call the doctor,
The conductor,
That my growing,
Forever flowing,
Never slowing score,
Has reached the door,
Beyond my wall,
My chamber door,
Now I become,
Never and more.

Love in POA

The girl with the massive smile,
Made me want to stay for a while,
And she had a really really nice voice.

She had dreadlocks in her hair,
Acted like she really didn't care,
She told everyone that I was her boy.

Ohh this girl with the massive smile,
Made me feel like a small child,
Because I felt butterflies every time I saw her face,
It was love in a southern place,
I don't know what to say,
I fell in love in Porto Alegre.
I fell in love in POA!!

She and Her

I fell in love,
Oh what a shame,
She broke my heart,
I'm the only one to blame,
She took my money,
She took my time,
But because of her,
My heart, it's,
It's...
It's in the city behind.

She tried to hurt me,
Mentally she did,
Her words saved me,
Made me never quit,
Her eyes showed me,
Proved that I would still love,
So soon after she,
She broke my heart,
My,
My love for HER will never die,
SHE, from my heart,
SHE, will now depart.

Forever and More,
SHE, will never leave the shelf,
HER smile will never leave me,
But what comes around,
What comes around is often,
Not what's set in motion by myself.

The Psycho and the Ape

A psycho is at her strongest when she has her trained ape
She can do what she likes, she will always be protected
Until one day that ape will catch her screwing around
Or at least something will become suspected


Fighting is the only thing the ape knows
Yet the Psycho will manipulate him with her words
She will laugh and clap when he does something she says
So why is it me that has to pay?


The ape calls me a coward, smart within my youth
Why should I fight you for pointing out the truth
A fight that isn't anything to do with him, she makes it so
The Psycho, why does she want to hurt me so?


The truth is worse than a lie, according to the ape
Because he is smart enough to make this calculation
I can not wait until the day
The ape turns on the Psycho, once and for all
I can see it happening, waiting for the Psycho to fall
She will get hurt, maybe physically too
The dangers of owning a trained ape, they will turn on you
Let their world self destruct, let's keep pushing through.

Vodka the Cat

We found each other in a strange place
At the place that you work, the place that I stayed
I asked if you spoke English, you said no
this could have cause problems but for us it made
our friendship even stronger, we just said "so?"
I loved this about you, I just want you to know

Every day I saw you, my heart started to beat
faster and faster with every word that you speak
Even though I didn't know anything you said
I loved your voice, and especially your dreads

We went for lunch and a walk in the park
I couldn't believe how fast you won my heart
with your big brown eyes and your amazing smile
I already want to take you down the aisle

My last day with you, I shed a tear
because meeting you has made my year
I gave you my shirt, my favorite shirt
because leaving you behind really hurt
It really hurt

All the way home I thought of you
My beautiful girl I left in Brasil
The love of my life, don't feel blue
Just always remember that I love you
Eu te amo, Eu te amo.

Selfish

Words can't describe the things I'm feeling
Anxiety and panic springs to mind
Worry and heartache are also there
All this I keep confined
Until this moment where I write this down
I worry about you as your world spins around
But I'm also being selfish in my feelings towards you
And I'm sorry for this small break down
I just need to figure out how to take this step back
The step that I promised that I would do
To be friends again is all I need
And we will get there eventually, me and you
Because I love you
Forever and more.

The Longest Winter

The longest winter

Brings nothing but pain

There is no sun or sand

Just the snow and the rain

It makes us think about our past

Our lives before when we were sad

Yet what lies ahead is hard to see

No matter, what will be, will be

If a new life comes into our world

Take care of them lovingly, boy or girl

The longest winter

When will this end?

Bring back the summer

Love and sun will mend

All the worries and woes in life

Because you can finally be my wife

So we can travel the world

Me and thee together

Hand in hand, falling in love

This is all for you, from your lonely dove