I awoke one night, in a sleepy haze I thought I saw her stood at the end of my bed. It couldn't be her, she was 6000 miles away. A figment of my imagination, surely? But there she was, in all her glory, smiling at me with that desire I've always longed for. She was wearing a brown robe, she joked that she was a Jedi and I laughed. I only laughed because I knew this wasn't real. She couldn't be there. This beautiful woman, the true love of my life. This Jedi, playing her mind tricks on me!
As she decided to sit on the end of the bed, I realised that the laws of physics were in play. I had to be asleep? Only in a dream would I have her here, with me, wanting me how I want her. I sat upright and held out my hand. As she took my hand I gasped as everything felt so real. My heart raced, as it does every time I hear her name. With her hand in mine she pulled me out of bed and stood there eying me up and down, staring at my naked body, longing and lust in her eyes.
As her robe dropped to the floor I became aware that it was the only thing covering her naked body. I pulled her body into mine and squeezed her tight, feeling the warmth and security of our bodies together. I laid her down on the bed, longing for this ghost in my head, how could this happen now? When all I ever wanted was this. I love her. I always have and I always will. But I will not make love to her memory. For that is to besmirch her delicate nature. But what if it's not a dream?
This Jedi, this love, this entire life that I could only ever dream of. What if it didn't work and all that was left was this dream? Has this already happened and I'm torturing myself as I so often do? Or is this exactly what I want and I have to fight to make it happen? Either way, what am I going to do with this dream?!?
I wake up abruptly and look from side to side. She is still there. In my bed. Asleep. My stomach flutters with the thought of the rest of our lives. A million mph and I need to slow down, let us back things up a bit! I long for this happiness, for the fairytale happy ending but the truth is, happiness is pretty boring, hard to take, in a word, a pain in the neck! Yet I couldn't think of anything I want more in this world. With her.
Could she ever want the same as me? The desire in her eyes suggested that the feelings between us were mutual. So why do I feel so doubtful? Slow down! I quietly told myself, you're getting ahead of yourself again! Take this path nice and slow yet live like there's no tomorrow. You both want the same things right now so concentrate on that instead of your fantasy future. Travel the world. Explore the pyramids and the northern lights. Wine and dine her in Paris then eat spaghetti in Italy. I stop myself there as I can feel my heart start to race, every situation I think of leads to the same place. With her by my side, dressed in white, two rings to bind our lives together.
Her body gleams in the morning light, her deep brown eyes are still shut tight, as her body rests in all it's glory, I wonder still if she's real, the point of this story! With her laying there in my bed, calm and resting soundly. I walk downstairs to gather my thoughts and the bread. I look outside and notice it's cloudy. We could go for a walk in the park. Swim in the lake or just sit and talk. As I mentally make notes of what to do with our day my Jedi walks down the stairs and holds me tight.
All of a sudden everything becomes clear, I see it all. This ghost that holds me so close and so tight is my future and my past. To get to where I want to be I have to live, without her as my love. I shall grow and love and never forget for she is still all I want. Our paths will meet again and with all my heart I will hope they lead the same way for the rest of our lives. Until that moment, our lives are for living and that's exactly what we will do!
